It has been so long since I've done one of these posts. I've actually tried to cultivate it; as in, I only write in this post when I feel really really annoyed by something. You would think, knowing me, that this would be constantly, but believe it or not I am probably less than 50% annoyed at any given time! Shocking, I know!
That said, please know that this post has literally been months in the making, and has been crafted with so much love ... love for the ways in which humanity disappoints me, that is!
Enjoy. Here are some things I HATE ...!
- People who claim not to have allergies, but who clearly have allergies. Case in point: a person I work with is constantly sneezing, complaining about this mysterious allergy-like phenomenon they're experiencing, all while claiming not to have allergies. Dude, we've been sitting next to each other every day since the beginning of April. You have allergies!
- Memo: its "high school," not "highschool." Didn't you learn anything back then?!?!
- PACKING PEANUTS.
- People who don't unpack their basket at the grocery store and just heave the basket onto the belt for the checker to unload. This has occurred with the person at the store in front of me the last two times in a row, and I just want to smack them. Its so rude, and the checker is bound by kindness and can't tell them to have a little respect ... ugh. Who taught people grocery store etiquette, seriously?
- When someone brings their bicycle on BART and proceeds to block the doors with it because they are only going 2 stops. Listen, I realize that bikes on BART are a necessary evil, but when you prevent people from boarding/leaving the train at the next stop, you are just being a dick. And yes, before you ask, the bike riders I speak of do have room to take their bike to an unobtrusive place.
- People who post Nicholas Sparks quotes on Facebook. Even if I like them -- and I usually do -- I wouldn't be caught dead "liking" a quote from The Notebook or whatever. I do have self respect!
- Speaking of those who refuse to believe they have allergies ... people who refuse to believe that they're sick, come to work and sneeze/hack all over everyone, then continue to deny their illness.
- Those who believe toilet paper is an appropriate substitute for Kleenex.
- Marketing jargon. It's like fingernails on a chalkboard because to me all the terms are ultimately BS! Examples: "staycation," "edutainment," "learnings," "flexitarian" "heteroflexible" -- OMG. George Carlin would have a field day with all of these. Just say what you mean, don't hide behind fancy, overly obfuscating labels! Apologies to the heteroflexible flexitarians out there.
- PACKING PEANUTS!
- Songs about "da club." I mean ... really? Also: any music on the Grammys. Seriously.
- People who are disruptive and rude in movie theaters. Examples of such behavior include letting your children eat popcorn loudly and kick the seats in front of you for two hours while you, their mom, do nothing ... and then, when the people in front of you move because you've been so rude, what do you do? You, mother of the year, spend the rest of the movie with your feet up on the chair in front of you. Stay classy, lady; your kids are going to need a lot of therapy.
I must interrupt myself! Today I brought an old paper journal I wrote my senior year of high school with me on the train to read. I like to do that sometimes. Well, I got about halfway through the intense teenage melodrama before I found ... drumroll please ... a handwritten, 13-years-old edition of The Unpopular Opinion! I may have squealed out loud. I also knew I had to post it here! So without further fanfare, I present ... The Unpopular Opinion on June 15th, 2000:
As you can see, life was HARD back then! :P In all fairness, it was two days before my 18th birthday, I had just been told that I'd be forced to spend it with my grandparents instead of with my friends, I felt trapped in my house (obviously) and on top of it, the internet wasn't working, I was preparing to leave all of my best friends forever, and some asshole skimped on the whipped cream at Starbucks. I mean, seriously, you guys, why didn't I just throw in the towel right then? I'm angry just reading this! ;)
And yes, it does say at the top "I am so pissed off at the entire world that I can hardly write."
Oooooh. RAGE! Love it. Love it so much.
Well, this has been another edition of The Unpopular Opinion. Don't you feel better now?